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How to answer interview questions

Here’s a funny one I got in my mail that you can actually use!

A lot of people know how to write a resume but getting past the interview can be a toughie. While these are really not the questions I ask when interviewing potential creative hires for Sapient, below are some tips on approaching tough questions that interviewers throw at you… according to the mail:

1. Why did you leave your last job?
Real answer: It sucked.

What you should say: I felt my talents and abilities were underutilized.

2. What are your biggest weaknesses?
Real answer: I can’t concentrate for more than five minutes, hate all forms of authority and tend to fall asleep at my desk.
What you should say: I’m a workaholic. I just don’t know when to put down my work.

3. You don’t seem to hold on to a job long. Why should we think you’ll stay here any longer than you’ve stayed elsewhere?
Real answer: My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only competent employees..

What you should say: I’m at a point in my career where I am tired of moving around. I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I can make a contribution.

4. How do you handle change?
Real answer: I deal with it everyday, unless I’m out of clean underwear.
What you should say: I think everyone knows that today the only constant is change. I thrive on it.

5. How do you get along with others?
Real answer: Fine, as long as they stay out of my face.
What you should say: I think the interpersonal dynamics of the workplace can be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.

6. What does the word success mean to you?
Real answer: It means that I don’t have to drag my sorry ass out of bed to kiss yours.
What you should say: Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a difference working with a team of people to make a more profitable enterprise.

7. What does the word failure mean to you?
Real answer: It means I continue to collect unemployment insurance.
What you should say: Failure? I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean. That word is not in my vocabulary.

8. Do you get along with your current boss?

Real answer: I get along fine, considering what kind of a malicious person he is.
What you should say: I don’t think I’d call him a boss; he’s been more of a mentor to me.

9. Do you ever get angry with co-workers?
Real answer: I don’t get angry, I get even.
What you should say: Nothing angers me more than to see a co-worker not pulling his weight, goofing off or stealing. Yes, sometimes I do get angry with co-workers.

10. Can I contact your references?

Real answer: Sure, but they won’t know who I am.
What you should say: Some of them are out of the country right now. Maybe I can arrange to have them contact you.